It's Time

It's been quite some time since my keys have spilled my feelings into this blog. I've written on my story, but nothing about about my life, I think it's time once again, to just let it flow.

I finished up my first year of college, I made it. 3 A's, 2 B's, 1 C. Fuck Math. I think I realized what I need to do for next year. It's time to crack down. I finished up on a good note, I made friends who I can't wait to see and experience another year with, along with memories that will never fade regardless of what happens down the road. Honestly, on move out day, I didn't get home till about 6:30 that Friday, I could have been home earlier. I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to come home, I didn't want to let go. I thought how could I let go of a building, a room, a living situation, my life that easily? Next year everything is different, I Kinda wanted to hold on. I had my independence, my own choices, my own life away from everything. I didn't want to lose it. However, now I'm home, its about 2 1/2 weeks in since I've been home. It's felt like longer, but it hasn't been. Honestly, I'm not complaining. I think I Really needed that break away from school, back at my home so I realize who I am again. I think somewhere along the road I kinda lost myself; I won't let that happen again.

Even thus far I've made great memories. Good weather, great company, awesome feelings, how could I possibly complain? I get to sleep in, I babysit my puppy, I work most days, but other than that my nights are usually filled with laughter and new memories. It's almost like living two different lives, home life, college life. Possibility of two separate personalities within myself? Perhaps it was that way, I don't know for sure. But this summer, even though it's only been that two weeks in I've learned a lot about myself; what I want, who I am, who I want to be. I've realized the people I want by my side, and the people I need in my life. Regardless of what may seem to be true, there is a difference and I think I've finally realized that.I've had a revolution in my own mind thus far into my break, and I think it was good for m. Good for who I am planning to be.

So maybe its the small things like: drinking 8 glasses of water a day, dying my hair, watching what I eat. Or maybe it's the larger things: the things I say, the things I do. Ya know, the things that shape me more. Maybe it is one or the other, maybe it is a combination of both. Whatever it is it seems like a good outlook for me on the future. I've experienced my good friends company a lot so far, and it has been amazing times thus far.

People see me as a laid back person, who doesn't give a shit what people think about me. I seem relaxed and oblivious o the bad things around. I seem like one who is tough, a hard exterior if you will. Honestly, I care too much, I love too deep, I give too much of myself sometimes. But it is who I am. I may love movies like fast N furious && other "men movies", I may Love going to Demolition derbys at route 66 and watching the cars crash, the dirt fly, and the smell of exhaust. I may love skater shoes and a hoodie.I may be pierced and tatted; But honestly, dirty dancing is one of my favorite movies, getting taken out to dinner and a walk on the beach would be awesome, and dressing up, wearing heels, feeling good about my self is something I do like to do. People don't see deeper, maybe they can't, but all they need to do is look into my eyes. They could just listen to me speak, I care about what comes out of my mouth, I care about what happens to those around me; I'm a hopeless romantic, I want to affect people's lives, even it's minor. Its the reason I want to teach. I want to make someone smile at least once a day, more if possible, I put other's before myself.I have a big heart, I got that from my grandmother. and honestly. I'm not afraid to hide it, a few know, a few think they know, other's are clue less.

But this summer, "live life and be free", that is what my peer minister told me. All I need is the summer air on my face, new memories, and my boy toy at my side. Just love from my family, and I have plenty of love to give. The smile on my face and the laughter in my ears is what is going to help shape me. I got my ideas, I got my morals, I got my life in view, in my head, what I want, what I need. I realized today as I watched my best friend graduate high school, that I thought I found myself then, but now again I always lost myself in something. I miss high school, I can't believe it has been over a year. Yeah, I got all nostalgic, I kinda wish I was there. But I can't hold onto the past. Time flies by, really quickly. I need to get for me this time, not for others. Oh, Another thing, I'm stubborn, I'm determined, and nothing is going to stop me.