This is a vent session; that is exactly what it is meant to be. I'm going to write and see where I end up, see what conclusion I come or do not come to.
I hate the way I desire to be something more.
I wish I never had let go of my passion for dancing; it is still there and I'm doing nothing about it.
Why?I see the skills other people have...I feel I could never have that back again;maybe I never had it.
I wish my hair cooperated,or that it fell in the right place.Even if I knew how to do something with it..
I just wish I could leave it down and have it look okay, like it seems every other girl can no matter what.
I wish I could fill shirts out, that my chest was bigger, that things looked nicer on me.
There are just some things you need boobs to wear and I want to be able to wear them.
I wish I knew how to do my make-up. My Theory is:The darker the eyeliner and mascara, the better.
That is only because it is the only thing I know how to do, and I'm pretty sure I don't even do that correctly.
I wish I had some sort of style,and knew how to dress myself correctly.
Sometimes I'm glad I work almost everyday, I don't have to put thought into what I wear.
I also wish, I had better legs; sure I have toned calves and crap, but they arn't long and smooth or "sexy"
I wish I could put on a dress or a skirt and heels && have no one think its weird.
I feel as though I should be wearing a dress now and again,but it just doesn't seem right anytime.
I just want the legs that would look good in a skirt or shorts.
I wish I could look in the mirror and feel like I'm pretty.
Without having to straighten my hair and try to put on some false state of being before feeling any sense of self esteem...
I guess basically I just wish I was ... more of a girl.I wish..
I wish I would be a girl the others girl look at and go
"Damn, I wish I had her outfit...hair...boobs...body..." anything of that sort..
I wish I was something to look at,something more than average..
I wish I was something to be envious of rather than the girl envying the other.
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As far as dancing, I never did improv in high school and picked it back up in college for some odd reason. Maybe, curiosity to see if I was meant to do it again???? hmmm...idk..But I do know it was the best decision I made. To give up something you love, just because your busy or feel embarrassed doing it does not mean you should stop doing it because in your heart lies a passion that should be embraced and not suppressed.
ReplyDeleteAs far as a dress, I never use to wear jeans so when I did it was this big thing too from other people. Now people don't even notice when I do wear jeans because I do it more frequently. After a short period of time you realize no body REALLY cares about your style (at least those who matter in your life) and you begin to realize that those initial feels of not feeling 'right' stems from this self-image you may feel you have to maintain, but in reality you can change in less then a day..and change for the better, because you felt like it, or for the sake of 'change' itself. For it really is all in your head.
Self-image :)
On a final note, there is something special about everyone that makes us not like any other average person. In my opinion, I think thats how people do not get sick of each other after a year. It's the special something. You have a special something. It could be something simple, obvious, or complicated. Just a little food for thought.....